She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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