If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
