Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
