I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
