He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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