I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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