Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
