I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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