note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
