That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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