it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Randomize
