man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
