Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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