I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
