I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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