@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
