In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Randomize
