You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
