You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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