I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
