Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
