she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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