I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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