I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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