What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
