It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
