It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
