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I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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