Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
