I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
