Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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