I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
