I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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