Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
