Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
