I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
