I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
