I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
