she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
