Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
