Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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