fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We are two peas in an std pod
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
