Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Randomize
