You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
