Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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