so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
