and she was petting her beer can
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
