roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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