Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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