It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
