I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
