just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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