guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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