someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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