Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
