great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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